The Big Night

Well, all our work has come to this one night. Christmas Eve. Santa is rested up and ready to go. The assembly lines have shut down, all the toys are ready to go. The elves are kicking back and relaxing after working feverishly the last few months. The reindeer are harnessed to the sleigh.

I’ve gotten bundled up in my thick winter coat as well as donning some special elf-made clothes that are guaranteed to keep me extra warm. I’ve packed my bags. Tidied up my room and I’m ready to go. I cannot wait to get back to my wife. I cannot wait to ride in the sleigh!

We’ll be making a direct flight to Chicago. Thanks to the services OpticsPlanet is providing, he can fill up his sleigh there with a wide array of telescopes, microscopes, and binoculars and much, much more. Once he drops me off, that’s it. My journey to the North Pole will be over and I’ll be home. I hope they invite me back next year.

As for me and this blog, check back in a few weeks. Rumor has it that Cupid is looking for some help this Valentine's Day.

Happy Holidays Everyone!

5 Days To Go!

The Elves haven’t slept in days. They're working feverishly to get everything ready to go on the Big Night and ensure no kid is disappointed. It’s quite admirable, really, how dedicated they are.

Of course, they drink copious amounts of caffeinated hot cocoa to help keep the assembly lines moving. Personally, I can’t stand the stuff. It makes me gag. But they’ve been drinking it for quite a bit longer than I have.

They’ve gone pretty easy on me. Most of my major tasks are done and I’ve been trying to help out as much as I can. But mostly I’ve just been the big human getting in the way.

The list is finalized. Now, don’t go overboard and start doing bad things to your siblings or fellow man (or small animals!). Santa says that even if he finds out after the fact that you’ve been bad, you’ll find your gift disappearing in a couple weeks time. So, can’t say I didn’t warn you.

I’m not only counting down the days until Christmas, I’m counting down the days to see my lovely wife. I can’t wait! I wonder what she got me for Christmas...

1 Week to Go!

There’s a week to go until Christmas Eve and things are working at fever pitch up here at the North Pole.

Everyone is focused on one thing: getting Santa ready for the Big Night.

The Elves are feverishly preparing all the toys that haven’t been outsourced to other locations. The administrative Elves are finalizing the gift lists. Tomorrow is Naughty or Nice list lock-in day, when the lists are finalized for the Big Night. So, bad kids have until tomorrow to redeem themselves and good kids have until tomorrow to mess up. Once the list is finalized that’s it, you're either getting a great gift or a piece of coal.

The reindeer are bulking up for their long flight by eating lots of extra carrots and hay. Santa is getting plenty of sleep so he'll be able to stay up for 24 hours straight. And where does that leave me?

Well, I’m staying pretty busy too. I’ve been in constant contact with OpticsPlanet back home. I’ve been interfacing our shipping and logistics systems with the North Pole so everything goes smoothly on the Big Night. The Elves don’t make a lot of the products we sell because of the precision equipment required. They think that the production of optical products is best kept to the major brands such as Bushnell, Meade, Nikon, and Celestron.

Santa has been pretty happy with my work so far. He said that my work was going to allow him to be more efficient on the Big Night and possibly allow him to get home earlier.

On a personal note, I’m excited for this project to end. Mostly because I’m missing my wife like crazy. Sure, we can video chat, but it’s just not the same. So, I can’t wait to see her next week! I’ll be hitching a ride back to civilization on Christmas Eve with Santa. When he offered, I couldn’t turn down an opportunity to ride in the sleigh! I can't wait!

The Sleigh and The Reindeer

Many people are curious about how Santa's sleigh has evolved over time and what gives it the ability to travel across the entire world in one night. The sleigh, is of course guided by the reindeer. But as the world's population has exploded in the past century, the load they are required to carry every year has gotten heavier and heavier. They haven't been quite up to the task. Just don't tell them that...

Santa is actually is pretty technologically savvy guy. He keeps an eye on the latest forms of propulsion and any technologies that can make his job easier. It's really quite admirable how Santa endeavors to run the leanest operation possible. Many major corporations should look to him for guidance.

Anyway, back to the sleigh. For many years, it was powered by a jet engine. He has kept the reindeer on pretty much as decorations (Santa's Sleigh and it's Jet Engine doesn't exactly have quit the same ring to it). They don't mind actually having to not work as hard. However, they still fulfill a vital function, they act as an old school GPS-like device. They know where to go and where to take Santa at all times.

Apparently the elves are fans of Star Trek because his advanced research lab has developed an engine that's basically an anti-gravity device. It will allow Santa to travel across the world using the most advanced propulsion system ever created. It's fast and it uses very little energy. Santa is trying to reduce the carbon footprint of his operations (being located at the North Pole, they are understandably concerned about climate change). After years of testing, it's finally ready for use on the Big Night.

I assure you, Santa is quite nervous about this. He is so worried that there are several spare sleighs stored around the world as backups in case something goes wrong. And the reindeer have assured him that they are up to the job in case technology fails him. So, kids everywhere don't have to worry; their presents will get to them no matter what.

The List

Santa actually keeps two lists. First, there’s the list of who’s naughty and who’s nice. Then there’s the list of what every child wants for Christmas. You would be right if you guessed the list of what kids want is the bigger list.

The second list is actually kept in a vast computer database. With so many children in the world, Santa had to ditch the paper book years ago. Santa has his own supercomputer where the list is kept. It’s surrounded by round the clock security. It’s not connected to any network so no one can hack into it. It’s all very impressive.

But the most important list is the Naughty and Nice list. Everyone knows what this is. It determines who gets what they want for Christmas and who gets coal in their stocking. I’ll let you all in on a little secret. The naughty list isn’t that big and you have to be REALLY nasty to get on it. The list is so small it doesn’t need a supercomputer. So, if you picked on your little sister too much this year, you probably don’t have much to worry about (as long as you apologize right now!). If you set a cat on fire, then I’d say it’s safe to assume you’re going to be on the naughty list.

I asked Santa how he determines everything Naughty and Nice wise. He was very mum on the specifics. Said he didn’t want to give away too many trade secrets. He just told me that he knows he can’t possibly watch everyone at all times, but he has agents everywhere watching for him. I asked who they were and he wouldn’t say. I have a feeling their names start with M and D.

Settling In

Well, I’ve now been here for almost two weeks. Things are going really well. With about 3 weeks to go until the Big Day, things are insanely busy here. I’ve been so busy that I often forget to take lunch! And believe me, that’s not something you want to forget when you’ve been working for a long time. The cooks in the North Pole kitchen are simply the best. I’ve never had a better steak. And no, they don’t eat venison up here.

I’m making a lot of friends here. My fellow elves like hanging out with a human. Believe it or not we’ve found the time to have some fun. Every couple of nights we’ll sit around and watch Christmas movies with ample popcorn and candy canes.

They’ve got a great theater up here. Even though every one has plenty of work to do, Santa insists on movie nights. Sanata does it for two reasons, one to maintain the spirit of the season which can sometimes be lost in all the busyness. But he also does it to keep everyone refreshed for the work ahead. No one likes a burnt out Elf.

The culture up here is amazing. They’ve had a few hundred years to perfect it. One thing that continually surprises me is how friendly and filled with joy Santa is. Santa is the most selfless person I have ever met. He is just a simple, regular guy who get the most fulfillment in life possible out of the happiness of others. The world could learn a lot from this guy. He should create more gift-giving holidays to encourage such kindness.

On another note, I really do miss my wife. I’m just glad that we don’t have any kids right now. I can’t imagine leaving a wife AND a couple rugrats back home. My wife is adjusting well to being without me. She’s being kept pretty busy with her own job and her school schedule. She rarely has the time to miss me. And for the times she does, we can video conference.

In my next entry, I’ll have something very exciting to tell you all about. I’ve seen the List.