The List

Santa actually keeps two lists. First, there’s the list of who’s naughty and who’s nice. Then there’s the list of what every child wants for Christmas. You would be right if you guessed the list of what kids want is the bigger list.

The second list is actually kept in a vast computer database. With so many children in the world, Santa had to ditch the paper book years ago. Santa has his own supercomputer where the list is kept. It’s surrounded by round the clock security. It’s not connected to any network so no one can hack into it. It’s all very impressive.

But the most important list is the Naughty and Nice list. Everyone knows what this is. It determines who gets what they want for Christmas and who gets coal in their stocking. I’ll let you all in on a little secret. The naughty list isn’t that big and you have to be REALLY nasty to get on it. The list is so small it doesn’t need a supercomputer. So, if you picked on your little sister too much this year, you probably don’t have much to worry about (as long as you apologize right now!). If you set a cat on fire, then I’d say it’s safe to assume you’re going to be on the naughty list.

I asked Santa how he determines everything Naughty and Nice wise. He was very mum on the specifics. Said he didn’t want to give away too many trade secrets. He just told me that he knows he can’t possibly watch everyone at all times, but he has agents everywhere watching for him. I asked who they were and he wouldn’t say. I have a feeling their names start with M and D.